Breathing Deeply
by A Spot of Bother
Summary: Axel had the irrational urge to wrap his arms around the younger Nobody. Only the thought that Roxas would probably stab him with a Keyblade stopped him. AkuRoku. Complete.
1. Turmoil

(A/N): So, yes, I realize I'm uploading a lot in a short period of time, but I didn't realize I'd have to wait three days after joining to put my fics up, so I filled the time with... writing! Yep. This is the first chapter of a three-part AkuRoku fic that started gnawing on my brain and insisting that I write it. Weak soul that I am, I gave in. Remember, reviews are like crack - be an enabler and feed my addiction.

Disclaimer - I do not own the characters or the world they are set in. If I did, well, the world would be a happier place (for me anyway).

Breathing Deeply: Turmoil

"Oh, we do too have hearts!" _– Demyx, Hollow Bastion_

Axel watched Oathkeeper and Oblivion flash in Roxas's hands as the Key of Destiny spun around the enclosed courtyard, destroying the targets flailing around him like he had a personal grudge against each and every one of them.

Axel hadn't said a word when Roxas had barged into his room, eyes bright and chest heaving. His friend had fixed him with a withering glare, snapped, "Gather some Dusks and meet me outside," turned on his heel, and marched back out of the room. Axel had raised his eyebrow at the spot the blonde had so recently filled.

"What the hell?" he'd wondered aloud, but there was no one to answer him.

So he'd gathered a small party of Dusks and gone in search of Roxas. He'd finally tracked the younger Nobody to a neglected courtyard tucked away in the corner of the Castle That Never Was. Marluxia had actually overlooked the small enclosure – there wasn't a single flower in sight.

Roxas had been standing in the middle of the paved courtyard, glaring at the ground like it had just insulted him.

"Took you long enough," he'd muttered darkly.

Axel hadn't answered. Roxas was in a mood, and Axel had acquired enough painful lessons to know that he should just let his friend work through whatever was eating at him.

Without a word, he'd sent the Dusks flocking to Roxas. The blonde had kneeled, whispering instructions to the pale Nobodies as they writhed and danced around him. When he'd straightened, the Dusks had disappeared to fulfill whatever Roxas had asked of them.

Roxas had gone back to glaring at the ground, and Axel had leaned against a wall, folding his long arms around himself with a silent sigh. Roxas didn't actually want him to _do_ anything; Roxas just wanted him there.

Because they shared what any other two people might have called a close friendship. What _they_ would have called a friendship, if they'd had hearts.

The Dusks had reappeared, grasping small black bodies in their serpentine arms. Axel had bolted upright at the sight of the Shadows clutched in the Nobodies' embrace.

"Uh, Roxas – "

The look Roxas had fixed him with had clearly promised pain and possible dismemberment if Axel didn't shut up. Axel had closed his mouth so fast his teeth had clicked together. He wasn't in the mood to dodge Roxas's Keyblades.

Still…

He'd eyed the tiny Heartless warily. Though the small Shadows weren't a threat, it made him uneasy to know there were _any_ Heartless inside the castle walls.

Roxas had dismissed the Dusks with a brusque wave of his hand. The tiny Shadows had stumbled around the courtyard for a moment, then their heads had risen almost in unison to the heart-shaped moon hanging in the perpetual twilight of their world's sky.

With mindless tenacity, they had tried to climb the courtyard's walls. Roxas had watched them for a moment, smiling mirthlessly. Then Oathkeeper and Oblivion had appeared in his hands with that high-pitched ring of metal and he'd launched himself at the enemy.

Axel winced as Oblivion came crashing down on a Shadow's skull, tearing through the small black body with no resistance. He was glad Roxas hadn't decided to work out his frustration on _him_ for once.

He couldn't help but follow the tiny heart that burst forth from the decaying black body, rising toward the pale moon – their uncompleted Kingdom Hearts. It was patently unfair, he thought, that the Heartless could collect hearts so effortlessly while they – Nobodies, desperate to have hearts again – could not, when hearts would've _completed_ them and allowed them to become whole again.

It just proved that Fate was a bitch and enjoyed screwing them over every chance she got.

Axel dragged his attention back to the courtyard, where Roxas was making quick work of the remaining Heartless. The Keyblades flashed and sang in his hands, and the last of the little black Shadows released the hearts they'd held captive for who knew how long.

Roxas was clutching Oathkeeper and Oblivion tightly, glaring at the courtyard's wall instead of following the flight of the released hearts. With a low oath, he summoned the Dusks back to him.

Axel expected the younger Nobody to demand more Heartless. He _didn't_ expect Roxas to start ripping through the Dusks, teeth bared in a silent growl.

Axel didn't say anything. There wasn't exactly a shortage of the lowly Nobodies and, well – there was no way in hell he was going to wade in there and try to make Roxas stop. Not when the blonde looked like that.

Axel felt something in his heartless chest tighten at the expression on the young Nobody's face. He felt like he wanted – he wanted _something_, damn it, but he didn't know _what_. All he knew was the expression on Roxas's face – he would've called it a cross between pain and anger if it had belonged to anyone but a Nobody – was making his empty chest ache.

Roxas stabbed both Keyblades into the final Dusk, then ripped the weapons out through the pale Nobody's sides. Axel winced again. Roxas raised Oathkeeper above his head, clearly intending to bring it crashing down on the already-dissolving Nobody's skull.

Axel pushed himself away from the wall.

"Oi, Roxas," he said calmly. His friend spun around to look at him, eyes wide, trembling. Axel locked his green eyes with the blonde's blue ones, his arms still crossed over his chest. "I think it's dead," he commented dryly.

Roxas stared at him a moment, still tense, trembling. He threw a glance behind him to where the Dusk had almost completely vanished. And suddenly, his manic energy deserted him.

"Yeah," he said hoarsely, slumping forward and allowing the Keyblades to fade away. "Yeah, I guess it is."

Roxas looked so _defeated_ in that moment that Axel had the irrational urge to wrap his arms around the younger Nobody. Only the thought that Roxas would probably stab him with a Keyblade stopped him.

Axel blinked. Where the hell had _that_ come from?

"C'mon," he said, shaking off the strange thought. He allowed his customary smirk to cross his features. "Let's get out of here, ok?"

Roxas glanced up at him, and while he didn't exactly smile, he no longer looked so distraught.

"Sure," he said, straightening and running one gloved hand through his mess of damp hair.

Axel waited for the boy to walk over to him, then he turned and fell in step beside him as they left the empty courtyard behind.

"So what's up?" Axel asked. Roxas had already worked off the majority of his aggression – he should want to talk soon. But Roxas tensed beside him, casting a wary glance around the pristine white hall.

"Not – not here," he mumbled.

Axel cocked an eyebrow at him, confused. Roxas flushed angrily, turning his face away from the redhead.

"I don't wanna talk about it here," he muttered. "Let's go back to your room."

Axel blinked, but he didn't press Roxas any further. Something was definitely bothering the kid.

They continued on through the twisting halls in silence, Axel stealing surreptitious glances at the Key of Destiny out of the corner of his eye. He only half-heard Demyx's cheery greeting, waving a distracted hand in the sitarist's general direction.

When they were finally behind Axel's closed door, the Flurry of Dancing Flames frowned down at his friend in confusion.

"What the hell was that about?" he asked. Roxas didn't answer him right away. Turning away from him, the blonde threw himself onto Axel's bed, burying his head under the pillow. Axel huffed in annoyance.

"I sleep there, ya know," he complained. Roxas didn't respond.

Axel repressed the urge to sigh again. Uncrossing his arms, he sat on the edge of the bed, staring at Roxas's back.

"What's wrong?" he asked, trying to make his voice gentle. "If all you wanted to do was kill Heartless, there are better ways to go about it than bringing them inside the castle."

"Doesn't matter, does it?" Roxas finally responded, his voice muffled. "Doesn't matter where I kill them, as long as they release the hearts. So everything can move forward according to the Superior's _plan_."

The venom in the young Nobody's voice made everything fall into place.

"What happened?"

Roxas didn't answer, burrowing his head more deeply beneath Axel's pillow. Axel reached out and grabbed one of the boy's hands, prying his grip away from the pillowcase.

"Roxas…"

Roxas batted his hand away savagely. He threw the pillow to the side, flipping over and sitting up so abruptly he almost smacked into Axel's nose.

"I asked him if there was a chance the things we sometimes feel might be more than memories," he grated out harshly, his eyes drilling into Axel's as if daring the older Nobody to laugh at him. "Because I don't _remember_ my Other, but I still feel the same echoes you do, and he does, and – " Roxas paused, his throat working furiously as he choked on his words.

Axel didn't stop to think. He reached out and wrapped his arms around the younger Nobody, pulling Roxas's head against his chest. He felt the boy stiffen in surprise, but he didn't try to pull away. Axel threaded gloved fingers through Roxas's hair, stroking the blonde tresses until Roxas relaxed marginally, leaning into him the slightest bit.

"It doesn't matter, Roxas," he said gently. He felt the kid tense at his words, but he tightened his grip on the blonde's shoulders and kept running his fingers through his hair. "Even if they're more than memories, we're still not complete. We have to get our hearts back, or we'll fade again."

He could only imagine what the Superior had said to the kid. Xemnas had to be the least tactful bastard Axel had ever known.

"Don't worry about what Xemnas said," he whispered, kneading the base of Roxas's skull. "Even if they are just memories, they're memories of something _real_."

Roxas's hands reached up and latched onto the front of Axel's dark jacket. The kid didn't say another word, but he leaned forward, burying his face in Axel's chest, and Axel felt as well as heard the deep sigh issue from his lips.

Axel continued to pull his fingers through Roxas's hair, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular, a small smile on his lips.


	2. Tension

(A/N): I'm trying to take my time writing this, because I don't want it to seem rushed, but the ideas will not stop pounding against my skull and demanding to be written down as quickly as humanly possible. This chapter is dedicated to NightimeRoseOX for commenting on every single one of my stories and showering me with much undeserved praise that causes me to blush uncontrollably. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Disclaimer: If I owned the characters, things would've gone differently in the game. 'Nuff said.

Breathing Deeply: Tension

"Oh, we do too have hearts!" _- Demyx, Hollow Bastion_

Axel and Roxas were slumped against the wall, hidden among construction equipment, waiting for the breath to stop tearing through their lungs in a manner that was almost painful. Roxas was leaning against his Keyblades heavily, the sweat streaming from his forehead and into his eyes. Axel wasn't much better – his chakram felt almost too heavy to lift.

It was supposed to have been a simple assignment – a small swarm of lower-level Heartless had appeared in Hollow Bastion, near the decaying castle that had once been Maleficent's stronghold. Axel and Roxas hadn't argued when they'd been given the responsibility of clearing the area. It would be a what - maybe a ten-minute battle? Back in time for supper, easy.

Either the scout had been mistaken (very probable, as the scout had been Demyx) or the number of Heartless had multiplied in the time it had taken Axel and Roxas to travel the shadowed corridors.

Instead of facing a few low-level Shadows and Soldiers, they'd been confronted with hordes of Armored Knights, Bookmasters, and Crimson Jazzes. They'd managed to destroy a fair number of their enemy, but they'd been forced to take temporary refuge when an Armored Knight's sword had somehow breached Roxas's defenses, carving a shallow groove into the young Nobody's side.

Axel regarded the kid out of the corner of his eye. Roxas did _not_ look like he was in good shape – he could barely lift Oblivion, even after Axel had bound the wound in his side.

Axel watched a bead of sweat roll down the side of Roxas's face. The knowledge that Roxas was hurt was making him feel – he didn't know _what_ it was making him feel. Maybe like the day Roxas had fought with the Superior and Axel had had the irrational urge to hold the boy against him. He felt like he should _do_ something, like he _wanted_ something, but he had no idea _what_.

The whole situation was very annoying.

"You ok?"

Axel blinked at the question, dragging his eyes away from Roxas's throat, where the bead of sweat had disappeared underneath the dark Organization jacket.

"What?" he asked dazedly.

Roxas was looking at him strangely.

"You ok?" he repeated, his brows creasing. "You had a weird expression on your face…"

Axel smirked, more from habit than conscious intention. He shrugged tiredly. "Nah, I'm fine," he assured his friend. His brows settled over his eyes. "You?"

"I'm fine," Roxas said, but Axel knew he was lying by the way he turned his face away from him and clenched his jaw.

"We could send someone else," he offered. A few Berserkers would soften the remaining horde up nicely. Roxas gave a breathless chuckle.

"What would the others say if VIII and XIII came limping home?" he gasped out. "We'd never live it down."

"Roxas, you're hurt – "

"No!"

And Roxas was looking at him with that look again, that was somehow intimidating even though the kid probably couldn't have lifted the Keyblades against him if he'd wanted to. The young Nobody had become so frustratingly anal about everything since his fight with the Superior. Axel sighed, letting the chakram fade, glad to lose the weight dragging at his arms.

"Fine," he acquiesced. "But _first_, we are going to sit here until I can breathe again." He sagged against the wall, sinking to the floor until his legs were spread out in front of him. He leaned his head back, closing his eyes at the wonderful sensation of simply _not moving_.

He cracked an eye open and looked up at Roxas, who hadn't moved.

"You might as well get comfortable," he advised, smirking. "I'm gonna be here for a while, thank you very much."

Roxas glared at him, but he let the Keyblades fade and gingerly sat on a handy crate. Silence stretched between them, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

Axel was just beginning to doze when Roxas's voice brought him back to full wakefulness.

"So what are we going to do?"

"Hm?" Axel couldn't muster the energy for a more coherent response. Roxas raised an eyebrow at him – his way of letting Axel know he was not being helpful – before he repeated the question.

"What are we going to do?"

Axel gave a twitch that he'd meant to be a shrug. Roxas huffed at him.

"This needs a little more planning than your usual rush-in-and-damn-the-consequences approach, Axel," he complained.

Axel opened his mouth to argue.

"I do _not_ – "

"Yes you do," Roxas interrupted. "You always do. We need a strategy this time."

Axel closed his eyes again, running a hand through his hair tiredly. He wasn't the best strategist – he preferred the straightforward, no-holds-barred style of fighting. But Roxas was hurt – the kid couldn't just walk into a horde of Heartless, swinging away, and expect to walk back out.

Axel leaned forward as something suddenly occurred to him.

"Listen," he said intently, his tone so serious that Roxas actually turned and paid attention to him. "The Heartless always fall into the same formation in battle, right? The magic-users in the center, protected by the fighters." Roxas was really listening to him, nodding his head at every point Axel made. "What's killing us are the magic attacks. If we can take out the Bookmasters and those red things – "

"Crimson Jazzes," Roxas supplied.

"Right, those. If we can get rid of them, we can cut the rest down in no time."

"But they're surrounded," Roxas pointed out. "How are we supposed to reach them?"

Axel hesitated. His plan was pretty much hit-or-miss, and he wasn't sure Roxas would go for it.

"We'll charge them," he said at last. "One behind the other – force our way to the center."

"But then we'll be trapped," Roxas pointed out.

Axel grimaced. Yeah, that was the hit-or-miss part…

"Well then I guess we'll have to beat them quickly," he smirked, but his voice was lacking its usual bravado.

To his surprise, Roxas didn't immediately dismiss the idea. He was rubbing a hand against his cheek tiredly, seemingly staring off into space, but Axel could tell by the calculating gleam in his eyes that Roxas was turning the plan over in his mind, searching for flaws.

"Who would lead the charge?" Roxas asked at length.

Axel snorted. He thought that should've been obvious. "I would," he said, gesturing to himself. Roxas turned and looked at him, but Axel continued before his friend could begin to argue with him. "Oh, c'mon, the Crimson Jazzes' attacks can't even touch me," he wheedled, grinning.

"What about the Bookmasters?" Roxas asked levelly.

Axel shrugged, smirking up at the younger Nobody. "Are you honestly going to sit there and try to tell me you could take a hit in the shape you're in?" he asked flippantly. Roxas didn't reply, but a faint flush spread across his cheeks and down his neck.

"Axel…"

"_Listen_ kid," Axel insisted, "I'm not just telling you I'm gonna lead the charge, I'm _ordering_ you to let me as your elder and superior in the Organization."

Roxas's eyes narrowed.

"Bastard," he hissed, but there was no real anger behind the word.

"But a right one," Axel smirked.

"In both senses of the word," Roxas muttered, turning his face away from the Flurry of Dancing Flames.

"Seeing as how I'm such a generous superior, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that last remark," Axel quipped, pushing himself to his feet. He made a futile effort to shake some of the filth from his jacket before he glanced over at Roxas. "Can you stand?"

Roxas glared at him before sliding off the crate, almost managing to hide his grimace of pain. Almost. Axel heaved a silent sigh. Sometimes Roxas could be _too_ stubborn.

"All right, listen," he instructed, jabbing a finger in the blonde's direction. "The Heartless fall faster to the Keyblade, so we're going to have to do this carefully. _Don't_ summon Oathkeeper or Oblivion until we've broken through, all right? On the way in, I need your _speed_, not your weapons."

Roxas jerked around, glaring at him. "No way!" he protested vehemently. "That leaves you totally unprotected – "

"Don't interrupt!" Axel cried indignantly, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at the younger Nobody. The expression on Roxas's face really was too much, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing in the kid's face. "If we get separated, we're finished. So you _do not_ summon the damn things until I tell you to – got it memorized?"

"When we're through the Knights, I'm leaving the Bookmasters and Jazzes to you, understand? You can slice and dice to your heart's content. I'll hold the Knights back."

Roxas was still glaring at him, his hands fisted, posture tense. Axel quirked an eyebrow at him, keeping his own expression carefully neutral.

"Axel…"

"Roxas."

The younger Nobody flinched away from his level gaze, his flush deepening. "Whatever," he mumbled, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

Axel fought the urge to smirk. Roxas would've smacked him with a Keyblade if he thought Axel was gloating.

"Ok," Axel exclaimed, clapping his hands together with a measure of energy. "So we've got a plan. Well, that's something."

If looks could kill, Axel was pretty sure he wouldn't have to worry about waiting to fade back into nothingness for the next several lifetimes. Ignoring the absolutely glacial glare Roxas was fixing him with, Axel breezed past the young Nobody.

"Come on," he called over his shoulder. "I told you keeping up is integral to the plan." He sprinted away with a mad cackle as Roxas lost control and leapt at him.

The two Nobodies sobered as they approached the remaining Heartless.

"You ready?" Axel asked quietly, glancing down at the boy beside him. Roxas scowled and looked away from him.

"Just get it over with," he muttered.

"That's the spirit," Axel smirked, the chakram flaming to life in his hands. "Keep up."

He broke cover, tearing across the ground toward the knot of remaining Heartless. He threw the chakram, the weapons calling flame from the ground as they sped toward their enemies. The Heartless parted in the wake of the intense heat.

Axel bent the flame to his will, forming a fiery shield around himself and Roxas. He called the chakram back to his hands, ready to smash them into anything that managed to brave the heat of their defense.

Behind him, Roxas flew over the ground, his feet pounding a steady rhythm across the barren rocks. His hands were empty. Axel was grateful that the kid had listened to him for once.

They slammed into the wall of Knights, the large Heartless recoiling from the sudden attack. Those Heartless foolish enough to try and brave the heat of Axel's wall of flame where shattered against the sharp edges of the chakram.

Axel fought his way determinedly through the haze of fire and flailing Heartless limbs, leaping over those that fell across his path. Roxas remained right behind him. They were almost through the Knights when the bone-numbing cold hit Axel squarely in the chest.

Stumbling, Axel lost his forward momentum, the flames that were their shield flickering, as if caught in a strong wind.

Shit.

He'd forgotten about the Bookmasters' blizzard spells. Axel could deal with almost every other type of spell – darkness, fire; even thunder had little to no effect on him. But water –

Well, he should've thought of that earlier, he reflected wryly.

"Axel?!"

Axel felt Roxas press against his back, trying to urge the redhead to keep moving, but Axel couldn't catch his breath with that numbing cold invading every corner of his empty chest. The flames around them flickered again, guttering weakly, and the Knights surrounding them pressed in hungrily.

"Axel!"

The desperation in the young Nobody's voice stirred that _feeling_ in Axel again – that desire, that _want_ that he had no name for. This had been _his_ idea, and now the injured boy that had placed his trust in him was pressing against his back in real terror, still obeying Axel's orders, his empty hands fisted around Axel's dark jacket.

The thought of Roxas being really, truly afraid did something strange to the void where Axel's heart should've been. Pulling himself upright painfully, Axel rasped out, "Not…not yet."

Axel narrowed his eyes at the Heartless pressing in on every side of them. "Not yet," he repeated, his voice stronger. He set the chakram spinning around the both of them, building the wall of flame back into a roaring column of fire. The Heartless scattered around it.

"Get ready," he ordered, grabbing Roxas around the waist and pulling the younger Nobody against him. He pulled the dark hood over Roxas's head. "Shield your face," he instructed. Roxas, understanding immediately, pressed his gloved hands over his face, then pressed his face into Axel's chest for good measure.

Axel let the flames dance around them for a moment longer –

And then he and Roxas were suddenly suspended in the air above the Bookmasters and Crimson Jazzes, the chakram flaming around them as they fell to the ground. "Now!" Axel shouted, releasing Roxas.

The Key of Destiny immediately leapt away from him, Oathkeeper and Oblivion singing to life in his hands. The moment he hit the ground, he was swinging the Keyblades in controlled arcs, spinning gracefully between the doomed Heartless. The freed hearts blotted out the sky.

Leaving Roxas to it – the kid certainly didn't need his help – Axel called up another wall of fire, trapping the Bookmasters and Crimson Jazzes in and the Armored Knights out. He flung the chakram at any Heartless that wandered into range, but he concentrated his energy on maintaining the circle of fire.

"How 'bout three minutes for a personal best?" he called over his shoulder to the black-coated figure swirling in and out of his vision among the Heartless.

He heard Roxas's laughter. "I only need two minutes for this bunch," the Key of Destiny called back.

Axel smirked and flung his chakram at a smoldering Knight that had been foolish enough to try to force its way through the wall of flame.

Behind him, the Keyblades sang in triumph. He turned to find the last wisps of shadow curling up and away from Oblivion's jagged blade as the final Bookmaster succumbed to the power of the Keyblade.

Roxas noticed him looking and smiled tiredly at the Flurry of Dancing Flames. "Told you I only needed two minutes," he chuckled.

Axel's eyes widened as he caught a glimpse of the Knight creeping up behind Roxas. "Down!" he shouted, and Roxas was already dropping to the ground as the chakram left Axel's hands.

Axel didn't wait to watch the fiery weapons rip their way through the Knight's armor, shredding the Heartless into black wisps of smoke. He sprinted to where Roxas kneeled on the ground and gathered the Key of Destiny into his arms.

"Shield your face," he murmured, and Roxas closed his eyes, pressing his cloaked head against Axel's chest.

Axel called the ring of fire back around him, using the spinning chakram to build the flames to a white-hot intensity. With a hoarse shout, he poured his will into the dancing flames, and the fire flashed outward, incinerating everything in its path. Several hundred Armored Knights, gone in a matter of seconds.

Axel couldn't keep the self-satisfied smirk from his face.

Roxas shifted against his chest, one blue eye peeking up at him from under the boy's dark hood.

"If it's over, shouldn't we be getting back?" he asked, the faintest trace of amusement in his voice.

Axel grinned down at the blonde pressed against him. "But won't we be limping back?" he smirked, throwing the boy's words back at him. Roxas made a face at him.

"Yes, but we'll be limping back _victoriously_," he countered, face splitting into a rare grin. "That makes all the difference."

Axel laughed. "Ok, ok," he relented, releasing his hold on Roxas's shoulders. "Whatever you say, kid."

But when Axel tried to stand, the hem of his dark jacket got caught beneath his boot – with a startled shout, he fell forward, crashing against Roxas and coming to rest in a tangle of limbs on top of the younger Nobody. He groaned softly, wondering if the universe had something against him personally.

"Sorry," he muttered, pushing himself up onto his hands.

He froze.

He was straddling Roxas – the kid's face was still flushed from battle and his eyes were bright with mirth. And something in Axel's brain finally clicked over. He suddenly knew what he wanted, what that strange emotion that had been plaguing him for all these weeks was.

He wanted _Roxas_. He wanted the kid to be happy – as happy as a Nobody could be; he wanted to know that Roxas was safe, because that queer ache lodged itself in his empty chest when he thought of the boy being seriously hurt. And, he reflected with a quiet sort of despair as Roxas shifted underneath him, he wanted him in a way the Key of Destiny would probably castrate him for if he ever suspected.

Axel closed his eyes against Roxas's shining face and groaned miserably. This was _not good_.


	3. Release

**Warning**: This chapter contains yaoi. If the general idea offends you, or if this pairing offends you, or if, by some inscrutable law of the universe, _I_ offend you, you probably don't want to read any further. Note the rating. Thank you.

(A/N): Wow, you guys have been great. This chapter is dedicated to everyone who reviewed, faved, and _added this to your alerts_ - I was blown away. You guys are awesome.

Breathing Deeply: Release

"Oh, we do too have hearts!" _– Demyx, Hollow Bastion_

Axel yawned widely and ground the heels of his gloved hands against his grainy eyes. He was _exhausted_. He hadn't had more than three or four hours' sleep in a row for almost two weeks. Mostly because when he slept, he dreamed. And he could never look Roxas straight in the face for at least an hour after waking.

Axel traced weary circles against his temples, trying to drive back the headache threatening to spread from the back of his skull.

He would be the first to admit that he could be remarkably thick, but when he'd finally identified Roxas as the cause of his strange feelings that day, it was as if he'd opened a floodgate that couldn't be closed again. If he had to spend one more night dreaming about doing –

Axel's eye twitched. He was stopping that thought right there, strangling it until it died a horrible, screaming death.

Because he was _not_ going to force himself on Roxas.

For one thing, the Key of Destiny was just a kid, for crying out loud. Axel's fingers paused, a small frown tugging at his mouth as his eyes stared at nothing. Although…

Weren't Nobodies technically ageless? Sure, they were all fading back into obscurity – they began fading the day they were created – but from the day of their birth to the day they disappeared back into the darkness, they didn't age. Not the way Somebodies did.

Still, if he was gonna use that logic, Roxas was less than a year old. Axel buried his face in his hands, groaning. That was beyond cradle robbing. That was just _sick_. But _he_ was only two years old by that reckoning…

Axel threaded his fingers through his hair, tugging on the fiery locks in frustration. He was _not_ going to stand here and try to justify wanting to sleep with his best friend. He. Was. _Not_.

"Axel?"

The Flurry of Dancing Flames froze, hands still fisted in his hair.

"Axel, what the hell? Are you ok?"

Axel couldn't help the squeak that erupted from his suddenly constricted throat as his green eyes met Roxas's blue ones. He was half convinced the younger Nobody would be able to read his thoughts as easily as if they had been written across his face.

And begin to slowly dismember him with Oathkeeper and Oblivion for thinking them.

"Axel?"

Roxas was looking at him with an expression of deep confusion, brows knotted together, arms crossed over his chest. The blonde cocked his head to the side thoughtfully, lips pursing.

"Are you sick?"

"Uh – "

When had the act of speaking become so difficult? Axel was feeling an increasingly irresistible urge to slam his head repeatedly into the nearest wall.

Concern was swiftly replacing Roxas's confused expression.

"Are you really sick? Should I get Vexen or something?"

Axel bolted upright, wincing as he tore out a fistful of hair in his haste.

"No!" he shouted desperately. Roxas blinked at him, raising an eyebrow in silent question. Axel scowled.

"Uh, the last time I went to Vexen, he fed me a ground-up Heartless. He said it would settle my stomach."

Roxas looked faintly taken aback.

"Why the heck would he do that?" he asked, sounding bemused. He turned away from Axel, throwing a glance back at the Flurry of Dancing Flames, clearly inviting the older Nobody to walk with him. Axel fell into step beside the kid.

"He was testing a theory," he said absently. "It was actually an interesting idea. You know how easily the Heartless can gather hearts, and they actually hold the hearts within themselves. Vexen wanted to see if introducing a Heartless into a Nobody's body would allow us to do the same – collect the hearts ourselves, maybe become whole again."

"Oh," Roxas said quietly. He was silent for a moment, then he cast a skeptical eye over Axel. "Did it work?" he asked doubtfully. Axel grimaced.

"No," he said, his brows creasing at the memory. "No, it didn't. Turns out feeding a Heartless to a Nobody only gives them explosive – "

"I don't want to know," Roxas interrupted hastily. Axel smirked down at him.

Everything was fine, he told himself with a slight edge of hysteria. _They_ were fine, just like they always were; he didn't want to pin his best friend against the nearest horizontal surface and –

Bad thoughts. Baaaaaad thoughts.

Axel twitched violently, trying to interrupt that particular train of consideration before it could wind its way to its inevitable conclusion.

"Axel?"

And damn it, Roxas was reaching out for him, wrapping his hand around Axel's arm, looking up into Axel's face with such unabashed concern that Axel wanted to pin him to the ground and take him right there, hallway or not. He broke away from the kid's grip with a harsh groan.

"I'm fine," he grated, looking anywhere but at Roxas. "I just – I've just gotta…" Trailing off into an indecipherable mutter, he summoned a dark portal and stepped through it, leaving Roxas standing alone in the empty hall.

Axel stumbled out of the darkness and collapsed belly-first onto his bed. He jammed the pillow over his head, burying his burning face in the cool sheets. He _could not_ keep doing this. He was used to taking anything and everything he wanted. He wasn't used to holding back.

But Roxas was important to him. He was the most important thing in Axel's otherwise empty world. Axel wasn't going to bed the kid just because he'd suddenly realized how much he wanted him. That wasn't fair to Roxas.

Axel hunched his shoulders, a broken laugh tearing its way out of his throat. He really was an idiot.

"Axel, what the hell!"

Axel's head shot up at the familiar voice, the pillow flying up and back, coming to rest at the foot of the bed. Roxas was just stepping through a dark portal, face screwed up in an expression of anger.

"Roxas…" Axel's voice was a harsh whisper. He stared in horror at the blonde. He hadn't expected the kid to follow him.

"What is _wrong_ with you?!" Roxas cried, taking a step toward the redhead. Toward the bed. Axel's throat spasmed. The Flurry of Dancing Flames pushed himself up from the sheets desperately and shot toward the younger Nobody. He didn't want Roxas anywhere near the bed – his self-control was already hanging by the thinnest of threads.

He grabbed the younger Nobody by the wrist as he whipped around the boy, dragging Roxas toward the door.

"Axel –!"

"I'm sorry, Roxas, ok? I really am, I'm _sorry_, just please, _please_ leave now, ok? Please leave – " Axel couldn't keep the desperation out of his voice. "Please," he finished lamely, turning to face the younger Nobody at last.

One of Roxas's black gloves was clenched between his teeth – he'd peeled the glove off his free hand, which he reached up and laid against Axel's clammy forehead. Axel's self-control snapped.

With a strangled groan he wrapped his hands around Roxas's upper arms – he backed the blonde into the wall and pressed his lips against his friend's. Roxas struggled against him, turning his face away from him.

"Axel, what – what are you doing!"

The ghost of a smirk graced Axel's face for a second. "What do you think I'm doing?" he asked breathlessly, running his hands down Roxas's arms – he grabbed the Key of Destiny's wrists and pinned them above his head, leaning back in for another kiss. "I _asked_ you to leave…"

Roxas didn't fight him this time, and the light pressure of the kid's lips pushing back ever so slightly against his own gave Axel all the encouragement he needed. He flicked his tongue against the seam of Roxas's lips, pleading for entrance.

Roxas gasped, his lips parting slightly, and Axel dove in, tracing the inside of Roxas's mouth, teasing the blonde's tongue with his own until Roxas responded, suddenly surging up against him.

Axel moaned into Roxas's mouth, unconsciously beginning to grind his hips against the blonde's, trying to pull the younger Nobody into rhythm with him. It took a few moments for him to realize how still Roxas had grown against him.

Axel pulled back, grinning nervously. "What? What is it?" he asked, trying to keep his tone light.

Roxas's face was flushed and his eyes were bright with an emotion Axel couldn't name, but his voice was steady.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked quietly. Axel's nervous grin widened before it disappeared. How was he supposed to answer _that_?

"Because," he began, then faltered. Roxas's gaze didn't waver as Axel took a deep breath. "Because you make me _feel_," he managed to choke out. "God, Roxas, you make me feel, you make me _want_ – "

He broke off with a groan, pressing his lips to Roxas's again, but the Key of Destiny turned his head sharply to the side. Growling in frustration, Axel tried to recapture the blonde's lips, but Roxas spoke, and the sadness in his voice tore at Axel's non-existent heart.

"Lust isn't an emotion," he whispered brokenly.

Axel narrowed his eyes. He shifted his grip on Roxas's wrists so that he was pinning the boy with a single hand. He grabbed the younger Nobody's chin with the other, forcing the Key of Destiny to look at him. Roxas's eyes widened at the uncharacteristic expression of anger on Axel's face.

"I know that," Axel spit out, digging his fingers into the younger Nobody's jaw. "I don't want you because you'd be an easy _fuck_" – Roxas winced at the way Axel's voice dropped dangerously on that word – "I want you because you're _you_." He gave the blonde a hard shake. "I only…want…you."

Roxas stared back, eyes wide.

Axel released the kid's jaw. "And you can't tell me you don't feel anything when I do _this_ – "

He bit Roxas's neck punishingly, running a warm tongue over the bruises he knew would form by morning. Roxas whimpered, twisting in his grasp. Axel pulled back, shaking the boy again.

" – because you'd be lying," he grated out harshly. "I can see it in your eyes – you'd be _lying_, Roxas." He gritted his teeth, closing his eyes and tightening his grip on Roxas's wrists for a moment before he pushed himself away from the younger Nobody.

"Just…just go," he muttered, running a hand through his hair. "I – I'm sorry, ok? Just go."

Axel didn't know what he expected. A Keyblade to the face, maybe. Broken bones, ruptured organs – possibly castration. He _didn't_ expect the arms that snaked around his neck or the heavy weight that settled against his chest.

He blinked down at the Key of Destiny's face, mere inches from his own.

"Roxas?"

"Idiot," Roxas whispered fiercely. "_Idiot_." He closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Axel's.

Axel remained frozen for all of one second before he gave a muffled sob and wrapped his arms around the blonde, returning the kiss fiercely.

Somehow, they made it to the bed. Axel buried his head between Roxas's thighs, drawing broken moans from the Key of Destiny's throat as he writhed beneath him, his bare fingers twining through Axel's fiery tresses.

He stiffened when Axel slipped his fingers into him, but the older Nobody ran his hand through Roxas's hair and whispered soothing words in the younger boy's ear until the blonde stopped wincing, stroking Axel's cheek softly to let him know he was ready.

Axel carefully draped Roxas's legs over his shoulders before sliding forward with a soft groan. He felt Roxas tense at the invasion, and he forced himself to pause, gazing down at the flushed face of his friend.

"Relax, Roxas," he murmured. "Breathe. Just breathe." Slowly, the Key of Destiny forced his body to relax, and then they were moving in rhythm, Roxas keening desperately as Axel whispered hoarsely in his ear, and Roxas was all that _mattered_ –

Roxas suddenly arched beneath him and _screamed_, his voice breaking around Axel's name.

It was the most beautiful sound Axel had ever heard.

Axel carefully lowered Roxas's legs from his shoulders and rolled off of him, collapsing on to his side next to the blonde. He felt – Axel didn't have a word for what he felt, but he felt it more strongly than any half-memory he had experienced in his nonexistence.

"Do you remember," he whispered roughly, closing his eyes as a small smile flitted across his face, "do you remember when you fought with Xemnas? About whether our emotions were real or not?"

Roxas didn't answer him. Axel opened his eyes and was startled to find that Roxas had curled into a ball, his face turned away from him.

"Roxas?"

He reached out a hesitant hand and placed it on the blonde's shoulder. The Key of Destiny was shaking uncontrollably, the tremors traveling up Axel's arm and making his teeth rattle.

"Aw, shit Roxas," he murmured helplessly, feeling his stomach curl around itself as a queasy sense of guilt settled across his gut. He'd pushed the kid too far too fast – he'd probably _hurt_ him, and he found that thought almost unbearable.

With a broken groan, he pulled the younger Nobody back to face him, tangling his fingers in Roxas's damp hair as he drew the blonde's head to his chest, trying to still the boy's tremors.

"Roxas, I'm sorry, I'm so _sorry_," he whispered brokenly. The Key of Destiny didn't respond, and Axel let his voice trail away into soothing nonsensical sounds, running his fingers through the kid's hair, waiting for Roxas to push him away, to storm out of his room and never speak to him again.

Roxas reached up and twined trembling fingers through Axel's hair. Axel stiffened, but he felt Roxas sigh against his bare chest before he pulled himself closer to the Flurry of Dancing Flames.

The young Nobody's voice trembled.

"I feel… I – I _feel_…" His voice trailed off uncertainly, his hands convulsing in Axel's mass of hair. And Axel suddenly understood. He planted a chaste kiss on Roxas's cheek, tightening his arms around his friend.

"Yeah," he said quietly, smiling into Roxas's hair, "I feel too."


End file.
